Izzie in HolyLand – Part 23: Europe can go shtup themselves

Izzie in HolyLand is back after the Europeans decide to go all the way with their response to building in E1 and… reprimand!

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, Prime Minister David Cameron for you on line 1.

Izzie: OK.

Cameron: Ms. Holyland?

Izzie: Yes, David, how are you?

Cameron: I’m good, I’m good. Thank you.

Izzie: Mazel Tov on the baby.

Cameron: Excuse me?

Izzie: The baby, the baby! You know, Katie and Will’s?

Cameron: Ah, of course. Yes, yes. Thank you so much Ms. Holyland. If I may, I’m calling you on another topic.

Izzie: Sure, go ahead.

Cameron: I’m afraid you can’t just go and build in E1, it’s the end of the two-state solution, it means the end of the peace process basically. So, I’m going to have to ask you to retract these plans immediately.

Izzie: F-ck you.

Cameron: Excuse me?

Izzie: I said ‘F-ck you.’

Cameron: OK.

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Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy for you on line 1.

Izzie: OK.

Rajoy: Senora Holyland?

Izzie: Si, senor Rajoy.

Rajoy: You ken col me Mariano.

Izzie: Sure thing, Mario.

Rajoy: No, es ‘Mariano.’

Izzie: Yeah, I said that. What can I do for you?

Rajoy: Eschuchame, senora Holyland, la construccion in zona de E1 —

Izzie: —Did you just call me a ‘zona’?

Rajoy: No, I was saying that la zona E1—

Izzie: Chingate.

Rajoy: Perdon?

Izzie: I said, ‘chingate.’

Rajoy: OK.

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Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, President Francois Hollande for you on line 1.

Izzie: OK.

Hollande: Madame Holyland?

Izzie: Oui, c’est moi Francois.

Hollande: Comment allez-vous?

Izzie: Bon, et vous Francois?

Hollande: Please, call me Monsieur Hollande.

Izzie: But you are from France.

Hollande: Veree funee, Madame Holyland. Zis is ze ferst time I heer zis a jock. Now, si vous plait, I must ask you to arrete ze beelding in ze E1.

Izzie: Vas te faire enculi.

Hollande: Pardon?

Izzie: I said, ‘Vas te faire enculi.’

Hollande: OK.

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Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, Fredrik Reinfeldt for you on line 1.

Izzie: Who?

Ruthie: The Swede.

Izzie: The guy from the Muppets?

Ruthie: No, their Prime Minister.

Izzie: OK.

Reinfeldt: Ms. Holyland?

Izzie: Fan ta dig

Reinfeldt: Excuse me?

Izzie: I said ‘Fan ta dig.’

Reinfeldt: OK.

Izzie: Now sit.

Reinfeldt: OK.

Izzie: Roll over.

Reinfeldt: OK.

Izzie: Play dead.

Reinfeldt: OK.

Izzie: Good boy.

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Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, Helle Thorning-Schmidt for you on line 1.

Izzie: Who?

Ruthie: The Danish.

Izzie: Oh! With frosting?

Ruthie: No, she’s their prime minister.

Izzie: Oh. Then tell her ‘Knep dig selv!’

Ruthie: Excuse me?

Izzie: I said ‘Knep dig selv!’

Ruthie: OK.

Izzie: And get me Lieberman. I’m bored.

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(Izzie in HolyLand)