I’m not the bravest guy around.
During the first Gulf War I was a senior in high school. I remember the sirens waking us up in the middle of the night, running to our “sealed room” (yeah, right…) and fumbling with my gas mask straps. And then waiting in terror to hear the booms of the missiles falling around Haifa.
Most of my friends were “heroes.” The next day they would always tell me how they went to the roof to see how the Patriot missiles tried to intercept the Saddam’s Scuds. No sealed rooms for them.
But me? I was scared shitless.
I was scared every now and again during my military service, too. For example, when we sailed hundreds of meters from enemy shores in the dark. So stupid, so cocky.
And I’m pretty scared these days, too. Everybody says something different every other day. We’ll bomb Iran, no we won’t, yes we will. As if everybody is an expert. You’d probably have more chances guessing it right by plucking the petals of a flower: “We bomb them, we bomb them not. We bomb them, we bomb them not. We bomb them!”
My mind says we probably won’t attack. But my heart? That’s a different story… Because my heart tells me that deep down inside, Bibi’s a nut job. He could actually do it.
Yesterday, as the anti-war demo in front of Ehud Barak’s house was winding down, I spoke to an old friend. We agreed that what bothered us most was not the fact that most people don’t think there will be a war, or that some people do. Rather the fact that the people who do think there might be one don’t really care. They’re just not scared. A sort of “it won’t hit us anyway. What are the odds” kind of attitude.
But as a family man, my fear is so much different today. I’m constantly thinking of where my kids are. How close are they to a shelter? How fast will I be able to get to them if the sirens start? Will I be able to communicate with my wife who gets them if the phones are down? Will they be willing to wear a gas mask? I imagine their little faces in gas masks and choke up.
How would I even explain it to a 5-year-old and 3-year old? What are the words to even begin describing the situation to them?
Because kids shouldn’t wear gas masks. It’s ridiculous.
This place is fucked up.
Maybe “God” knows why.