Bennett goes berserk in response to facts in German

Leader of national-religious Jewish Home party Naftali Bennett (photo: Yotam Ronen /
Leader of national-religious Jewish Home party Naftali Bennett (photo: Yotam Ronen /

Jewish Home leader and Economics Minister Naftali Bennett could not stand it when European Parliament President Martin Schulz criticized Israeli policy earlier this week. But what ticked him off even more was that Schulz told “lies,” such as that Palestinians have less water than Israelis – and in German!

Apparently, Mr. Bennett can’t bear to hear facts, let alone in the German language. But to make sure, I met with the minister in the Knesset for a quick interview to check this thesis, with the help of Google Translate. The following is the transcript of our (imaginary) meeting:

Ami Kaufman: Mr. Bennet, thank you for taking the time to meet me.

Naftali Bennett: I’m not meeting you, you just barged into my office. Get the fuck out of here, you self hating Jew.

AK: I will, if I can just quickly ask you a few questions, I’ll—

NB: —Security!! There’s a leftist in my office!

AK: OK, OK, I’m going. I just want your response to this: “Die Welt ist rund”.

NB: Take that back. Take that back right away.

AK: “Zwei plus zwei gleich vier”.

NB: Security will be here any second, you better apologize for that one. Now!

AK: “Wasser gefriert bei null Grad Celsius”.

NB: Lies! Lies, I tell you!

AK: “Israel praktiziert Apartheid in der Westbank”.

NB: Get over here you—

AK: —Achhh… ugggg… you’re choking me… accchhhh…Mr. Bennet…

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(This post is satire.)