John Kerry’s Kodak moment at the Dead Sea

John Kerry's Kodak moment at the Dead Sea
Israeli President Shimon Peres, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas join in a handshake at the beginning of their three speeches at the World Economic Forum in Dead Sea, Jordan, on May 26, 2013. [State Department photo]

John Kerry: Hey, Abu! Abu! Over here! Come here a sec!

Abu Mazen: What?

Kerry: Come here a sec, we wanna take a pic.

Abu Mazen: For what?

Shimon Peres: Just do it.

Kerry: Whaddya mean ‘for what’? Cuz we’re here! All three of us!

Abu Mazen: So?

Peres: Just do it.

Kerry: Come on! Let’s do the three-way shake!

Abu Mazen: But why? We haven’t agreed on anything. FIRST you do the agreement, THEN you do the shake thingy!

Peres: Just do it.

Kerry: Just come here already! There… good. Now give me your hand. And give Shimon your other hand. No wait. Give me your… No, Shimon, you… Ah, just… just put ‘em all together dammit.

Abu Mazen: He should give me his hand!

Peres: Here. Take it. OK? Better?

Kerry: And smile.

Abu Mazen: No.

Peres: Just do it.

Kerry: Smile, dammit!

Abu Mazen: Why should I?! We haven’t agreed on anything!

Peres: Just give him his Kodak moment and he’ll go, Jesus!

Kerry: Abu, this is the last time I’m saying it. Smile, goddamit.

Abu Mazen: Or what.

Peres: Oh boy.

Kerry: Or what? Or what? Who pays your salary?

Abu Mazen: …

Kerry: Yeah, I thought so. Now keep smiling. OK people, start shooting!

Abu Mazen: There, I’m smiling. Can I go now?

Kerry: Just a few more. Keep smiling. With teeth!

Abu Mazen: Can’t believe I’m doing this. We didn’t agree on anything.

Peres: Sure we did.

Kerry: Sure we did.

Abu Mazen: Oh yeah? What did we agree?

Peres: We agree to agree that we should agree an agreement is agreeable and agreed upon before an agreement should be agreed!

Kerry: See?

Abu Mazen: That’s it. I’m outta here.

Kerry: Not just yet:

Abu Mazen: Hey, let go! Let go!

Peres: You’re not going anywhere.

Kerry: That’s right, Abu. Nowhere. So just sit tight. And smile.