Izzie in HolyLand – part 22: Spring cleaning in autumn?

After a six-month hiatus, Izzie’s back in town. And she’s well prepared. For any event.

Ring, ring!!!! (Actually, it happens to be the Pina Colada ringtone….)

Izzie: Yes?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, I’ve been trying to call you for weeks, where are you? The +972 readers are complaining, and the cellular company says your number is unavailable. Are you OK?

Izzie: Yeah, Ruthie. I’m fine. I’m in my mamad, that’s probably why there wasn’t any reception.

Ruthie: Mam, why are you in your mamad?

Izzie: Oh, no reason really. Spring cleaning, I guess.

Ruthie: But it’s autumn.

Izzie: Ruthie! Is there a specific reason you called me?!?! I’m busy!!

Ruthie: Yes, Ms. Holyland, sorry. There’s a call from the White House, I’m putting him through.

Obama: Hey Izzie.

Izzie: Baracky!!! How are you sweety pie?

Obama: Yeah, OK. Listen, I can’t hear you too well, are you on a cellphone?

Izzie: Yeah, I’m in my mamad. Sorry.

Obama: Your muhmad? What’s a muhmad?

Izzie: It’s pronounced mamad, Baracky. And I don’t have time to explain, just Google it. Or click on this.

Obama: OK. Anyway, I guess you heard about the UNESCO vote a few hours ago. Listen, I might not cancel American funding after all.

Izzie: What?

Obama: I said, “I might not cancel American funding to UNESCO after all”.

Izzie: What?

Obama: Izzie, could you step out of the muhmad a second and listen to me???

Izzie: I’m not in a friggin’ muhmad – it’s pronounced mamad, dammit!! And I heard you very well the first time!

Izzie takes out her other cellphone and begins texting away

Obama: Izzie, are you with me?

Izzie: Yea, just a sec…

Obama: What are you doing?

Izzie: Nothing, nothing. Just give me sec…


Izzie: OK, done.

Obama: Cool. So, anyway — wait, someone’s at the door.

Izzie whispers to herself: “I know Baracky, I know…”

Obama can be heard in the background: “Lee! How are ya? Come on in! Wait, watcha got there Lee? Lee, put the gun down. PUT! THE GUN! DOWN!”

Obama: Listen, Izzie, I gotta go. Lee Rosenberg from AIPAC just walked in.”

Izzie: Oh, really? Say hi from me, OK?

Obama: Yeah, yeah bye!

(Rosenberg in the background: “You listen, and you listen close you little freak. You’re gonna cut the funds to that anti-semitic UN bunch of hoodlums… or else”)

Izzie hangs up, smiling. Finishes up the cleaning. A few minutes later the phone rings again.

Izzie: Yea.

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, it’s the White House again.

Izzie: Put him through.

Obama: Izzie?

Izzie: Baracky! You missed me baby honey bunch?

Obama: Ummm, sure Izzie.

Izzie: Good. Did everything work out with Lee?

Obama: Yea, yeah. You don’t have to worry about that UNESCO stuff, I’ll stop the cash flow.

Izzie: I know.

Obama: You know?

Izzie: I mean, I knew you’d be there for me munchkin.

Obama: Yeah, whatever. Listen, I looked up that mamad thing on Google. Is there something you wanna tell me?

Izzie: Me? Why? What?

Obama: I dunno, about Iran maybe? Something like that?

Izzie: Iran? Oh Baracky, don’t be silly!!!!



Obama: OK… I’ll keep in touch.

Izzie: Bye Baracky!!!!

Izzie hangs up, looks at her clean mamad with great satisfaction, and calls Ruthie back

Izzie: Ruthie? Call Ehud. Tell him I’m ready.

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